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Challenge.05
Clinical depression is increasing at an incredible rate in the western world. Write a letter of encouragement to someone in your life that you know is going through a difficult time.

Response.01 - Erin G.

Sometimes I just have to laugh at the way God tugs on my heart...because it’s not so much a tug as it is Him having to get my attention via bullhorn and jackhammer. Jen told me what my challenge to blog about would be right before she left for Cambodia. Write a letter of encouragement (and send it!) to someone going through a rough time..."Oh, this should be easy!" I said to myself. I mentally made a checklist of people that I know are currently going through a hard time. I crossed my mom off the list immediately -- as half the time I’m sure things will never change for the better in her life due to her own stubbornness, and the other half of the time I’m completely terrified of her. "Which friend should I pick?" I wondered, "Maybe I’ll be extra holy and write one to them all!" Frequently throughout the week this list came to mind and I continued to debate who I’d choose -- not once did I pray about it or think to ask God who He wanted to minister to.

Then church happened last Sunday. It had been a particularly strained week with my employers. Long story short, I’m a nanny and after I injured myself and tore my ACL, they’ve been less than pleased with me. I’m making up overtime hours for them due to my injury and inability to work for them while recovering. And I’m almost daily made all too aware of the inconvenience my injury caused their family. Things are awkward at the house, as I both live with them and work for them. It’s been rough! Last week the mom of the children I’m employed by found out very unexpectedly that her mom needed immediate triple bypass surgery.

Her husband, who most time has the compassion of Scrooge, was not happy about the fact that she’d be gone, shirking on work duties (they own a company together) and that he’d be shouldering the responsibility of the kids. Needless to say, she came to me in complete desperation asking for more help, and I grudgingly gave it...thinking hateful and bitter thoughts: "What the hell?!?! After you treated me like crap now I’m supposed to help you?!?!?" was what I really wanted to say, but I bit my tongue, allowed my heart to grow bitter & worked more overtime. And then the challenge at church last Sunday happened...I read it while it sat innocently on the folding chairs silently mocking me:

Sometimes it’s hard to show mercy to people we work with. Bring donuts or bagels (or snack of your choice) to your office anonymously or buy coffee for a co-worker you don’t always get along with.

I irritatingly dismissed it, convincing myself that it didn’t apply to me because I didn’t have a real job and it wouldn’t be anonymous. Then I heard God speak:

God: "Why don’t you write HER a letter?" Me: *Sputtering* "What!?!?! She is NOT on my list!!! I am NOT writing her crap!!!" God: "Do it" Me: "NO!"

At this point I turned to a friend and practically bit her head off with my scathing "This is stupid and I refuse to do it!"

God: "Erin...what gives you the right to choose who I will show mercy to?" Me: "Leave me alone!" God: "This is not a suggestion"

So with an angry heart, scowl of a three year old and muttering the foulest words I could think of under my breath I agreed, well -- kind of.

Me: "FINE. But I’m just buying her muffins. NO card...so there!"

But then I relayed the story (minus convo with God) to my boyfriend Chris, and he says "You should write her a letter."

Me: "GAAAAAAH!!!!!"

I knew then that this is what would end up happening, me writing her this letter. And even though I started the process with immense anger, I felt my heart soften more and more throughout the day toward my employer. I saw her brokenness, her fear, her unbelief in Jesus and her lack of control. I saw myself in her. I saw our humanity and God broke my heart for her. Even though I am still deeply hurt by their treatment of me, and writing a letter was very difficult for me to do, I know had I not I would have allowed my heart to become more and more hardened and filled with hate.

I gave her the card and muffins and she responded "Oh Erin! I can’t read this right now it’ll make me cry!" Which meant a lot.

And even though the muffins sit untouched in the fridge...even though I found the card in the trash this morning (hey, at least it was opened which means she most likely read it!) I am thankful for this experience, and am not sitting here wondering whether or not God used it simply to break my own feelings of self-righteousness and anger stemmed from deeply rooted hurt.

I find that oftentimes when I attempt to reach out and help others -- it’s either that they end up being the one who helps me, or God teaches me a lesson.

Sometimes both.

Read Response.02

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