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Challenge 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07

Challenge.07
It's not always easy showing mercy to those closest to us. Spend an hour of quality time with your mom or dad. If they live far away, set aside time to make a phone call.

Response.02 - Rich H.

Please take note that this blog is written from the perspective of one individual, that being me. So, some of the things I say may be speculative and bias.

If there is any challenge that produces great fear and anxiety in my life, it is this one. For some people, talking to there parents is a joy. For me, it is not something I particularly enjoy. Maybe if I had conversations with my Mom when I was young, then maybe I would be able to understand and a greater desire and patience when we talk today. Have you ever dreaded doing something, but you do it anyways just out of a sense of obligation. Talking to her makes me feel like I a puppet on strings of guilt and shame, manipulated by half-truths and feelings left by unresolved conflicts.

In my life time, I don't remember ever yelling at my Mom until a couple of months ago. It has been a tough year in my family. We bought a house together. At the outset it all looked fine and dandy, both my Mom and sister sold their homes to buy a new one. However, it didn't take long before some squabbling began.

About 7 years ago, my Mom had an aneurism. From that time on, she has not worked. Relationships around her began to crumble, and she had great fears about her health, which I think is a greater determinant to a healthy recovery. My Mom was left with periodic episodes of vertigo for her illness that struck more infrequently as time progress. With all of this being said, my Mom was left with lots of time on her hand to do nothing. From what I gather, the points of contention between my Mom and my sisters were over the décor of the house and one very traditional "Asian" value versus "American" value (the degree on respect one should give your parents and what does that look like.) This went on for at least a year.

Where was I in all of this? I was stuck right in the middle. When I went to visit, all I heard from my Mom was her complaints. All of this and compounded by my deep internal feelings I already had produced a higher level of anxiety that I could hardly stay for more than a few hours. Things really unraveled when my sister defaulted on the mortgage payments and the house fell into foreclosure. The one thing my Mom is still upset about up until this day is that fact that my sisters share our family situation with my aunts while my Mom was in Vietnam. Pride, crushed! Face, blackened! At that time, my Mom asked me a question I couldn't answer, "Why had my sister let her know about this earlier?"

What does this all have to do with me? Through all of this my Mom has decided that I was no longer her son. I didn't visit her enough maybe, or call her enough, or made her feel like a special part of my life. So it all blew up this past Mother's Day. I know I didn't do it right, but there was no meeting at the middle. I had already been put off by my Mom's tone and demeanor when she talked to me after the foreclosure, very sterile and detached.

So doing this challenge is quite challenging when your Mom, in her attitude, has written to off as a stranger. Before I called my Mom this morning, I called my sister to wish her a happy birthday. My sister informed me that my mom had taken off for a month for Virginia and Texas to visit my aunt on my Dad side and my Godparents. I called my Mom, only to get her voicemail. So I text her and asked how she's doing. We will see if I hear from her.

I think each of us has an idea of how we want to be love, or how we perceive what a loving parent-child relationship should look like. As time passes you hope that the relationship would evolve into something better. In my case, it has not. If you were to ask me who is the least in my life, I may tell you my Mom. I don't know if where mercy fits in here.

Read Response.01

Read Response.03

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